We have done amazingly well to get to a 93%/86% vaccination rate, but as the government pushes forward with other Covid and non-Covid related changes, there is also the potential for increased division based on things like:
– vaccination status
– ethnicity
– where we reside
– employers/employees
– landlords/tenants
and judging by the TV media questioning of the new National Party leader, wealth and religion.

Storming and Norming, Chaos & Conflict and Emptiness

People who work with groups will be familiar with the Forming, Storming, Norming and Performing group stages (or M. Scott Peck’s Pseudo community, Chaos & Conflict, Emptiness and Authentic community phases) that a group goes through as it works towards a goal.

For a group or community to be functional and healthy, there can be no winners and losers.

NZ is now alternating between Chaos & Conflict, the stage when we realise that we are all going to have to give up something so we can move forward together, and Emptiness, the most challenging and crucial stage, where we empty ourselves of barriers to communication.

Once differences surface, a community almost immediately moves into chaos. The chaos usually centers around well-intentioned but misguided attempts to heal and convert. It becomes about right and wrong. Individual differences come out in the open and the group attempts to obliterate them. Creativity disappears. It is no fun. It is common for members to attack not only each other but also their leader. 

The most common barriers are expectations and preconceptions; prejudices; ideology, theology and solutions; the need to heal, fix, convert or solve; and the need to control.

The stage of Emptiness is ushered in as we begin to share our own brokenness, our defeats, failures and fears, rather than acting as if we “have it all together.” This requires courage and vulnerability.

So what else is necessary for a community to stay connected?

Purpose

For a group to be successful, it needs to be aligned around a Purpose. Is NZ aligned around a purpose?

Is our goal to only keep our Total Covid Deaths to an absolute minimum?

Is it to be “The best in the world?” Or is it broader than that?

Is it to balance and minimise all the metaphorical deaths, of relationships, lost farewells, mental health impacts, increase in suicides, surgeries cancelled, tests not done, loss of businesses, increased debt, freedom of movement, freedom of speech, lost education and the impact on our children’s futures to name a few?

What long term price are we willing to pay?

Culture & Values

For a group to be successful, it needs to be aligned around a Culture; what our values are, and how we behave with each other.

Is NZ aligned around a Culture? My sense is that:
– fairness/equality
– choice
– innovation
– everyone mucking in/community
are some of the foundations of NZ culture.

Add in the Maori principles of:
– manaakitanga (care, respect, and kindness to others and ourselves)
– kaitiakitanga (love for our world)
– whanaungatanga (empathy and connection between people) and
– tino rangatiratanga (the pursuit of what is right, self-determination).

Are these the principles we live by in NZ? Have we even had the conversation?

Powerful Listening

Many of us, particularly in Auckland, have been through adrenal fatigue as we grappled with the stress of the unknown. It is very difficult to stay connected and listen when we are in this state. We look for others to blame, and thrash around in our pain. But listening is key to connection. When people feel heard, they re-engage.

Powerful Speaking 

If we are listening, we will hear everyone’s voices. And when we speak, it is most powerful when we speak from the heart, from the belly, from a place of ownership and authenticity.

However, if leadership is poor, people can feel confused and shut down. It’s possible that the majority are exhausted and run out of energy, leaving the minority to do the work.

The Role of Government and the Media 

The role of a facilitator is to stand strongly in the group’s Purpose and Culture, like the conductor of an orchestra. This is where leadership and media come in.

A good facilitator does not pander to the power in the room. A good facilitator does not take sides. A good facilitator asks the group tough questions and keeps them on track. A good facilitator values everyone’s contribution. A good facilitator provides clarity but does not have to control every movement of the group. And a good facilitator trusts that when the above principles are in place, the group will have the skills and take responsibility for getting there.

As we move forward

I’m surprised at what an emotional roller-coaster this lockdown has been for me. I definitely thrashed around in chaos and conflict, blame and anger for some time before transitioning into my own state of emptiness and acceptance. I do not want to be locked in this city again, away from my roots, family and friends. Most of us know the drill now. It is time to start trusting us to do what is right. As we move forward together into this next stage, into our festive season and summer, I trust and hope that NZ can stand strongly in our values, and get through this as one.