It is the first Father’s Day without Dad after his death three months ago, and I am spending the weekend with my stepmother. A time for continued reflection, healing, gratitude and celebration of his life. Last week she found all his rugby team photos in the loft, four of them when he played for the South Island in the 1950’s. They only came out on top once, so I found myself cheering for the South last night, and happy that they won.
Reflecting on Dad’s life, one thing is very apparent. Although considerate of those around him, Dad lived his life to the full doing the things he was passionate about. Sport, fishing, gardening, family, home, love. And he gave back to those communities too.
So at 55 and past the half way mark, it naturally causes me to reflect on my own life.
I was born between a still born brother and a still born sister, into a home of unresolved grief. I learnt to be a good girl and to achieve. And that’s what I did for 50 years. A wonderful life, a career that I loved, loads of overseas travel, fantastic life-long friends and a supportive extended family.
However, life has a way of cycling back to the lesson it wants you to learn, and the past five years have brought me full circle, reuniting me with grief and disconnection. The end of three intimate relationships, the death of a favourite uncle, the end of my corporate career, and Dad’s passing. Some of these have been my choice. I still find endings very painful, but each one has brought an opportunity to learn, heal and reconnect, prizing my heart open a little more each time.
So how is this impacting how I live the next chapter of my life?
~ Brené Brown
I am embracing authentic connection, and am committed to holding space for others to embrace this too. And with that comes the possibility of endings and disconnection, and that’s OK. Just like Dad. Every time he took the field, there was the potential to win or lose, but he still loved the game.
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Kelly, you are a very lucky girl to have had the love and given love to your Dad, Lindsay, but not all of us have that privilege, I lost my Dad at 7 years old and although I do have treasured memorues, they are very few, I often think of what my life would have been had he stayed , what would his life have been, what would he have done with his life, I still think if him not only on fathers day, but on other special days as well. I still have a special gift his last to me and I treasure it , it was for my 1st holy communion, So Kelly you are privileged to have grown up and had your Dad all those years, treasure the memories and, keep them safe, they are precious xxoo
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Yes, I am very privileged to have had this relationship in my life. I have always known and cherished that. Everyone needs that one person who accepts us unconditionally. xxoo
We are both of the age where excavating the deeper lessons becomes possible, or maybe even inevitable to those who are brave and willing! Go well, fellow traveller and sister on the journey
You were extremely lucky to have had Lindsay for so many years. You had him for a long time.
Keep remembering those good times.