Here we are again. New Year’s Eve. That time of year when we take stock, reflect, and imagine the year ahead. I’ve noticed a few articles floating around with the theme “What would I say to my 25-year-old self?” and thought it might be fun to have a go too.
Firstly though, deep down, what did I already know at 25? Two things spring to mind.
Build good foundations
Like it or not, we live in a capitalist society, and until that changes (check out Donut Economics as a potential alternative), I knew I had to take care of myself. I was raised by a solo Mum during my teenage years, and we didn’t have a lot. Both my parents were savers and Dad used to say “You reap what you sow”, so I worked hard and saved hard.
Focus on healing
I have been on a healing journey since I was 21 when I first experienced a sense of depression and knew that things weren’t right. The past five years have been the hardest and reaped the most. Coincidentally, in 2018, someone told me that our 50’s are the years when women really step into our wisdom. What a gift.
“By three methods we may learn wisdom:
First, by reflection, which is noblest;
second, by imitation, which is easiest;
and third by experience, which is the bitterest”
~ Confucious
So, what would my 57-year-old-self share with my 25-year-old self?
No one is perfect
Deep down I had a belief that I needed to be perfect to be loved. This is BS, no one is perfect. We are our unique selves, and much more lovable and accepting if we show up with all of us, not just the good bits. And trying to be perfect is just too stressful and unsustainable!
“I abhor the idea of a perfect world.
It would bore me to tears”
~ Shelby Foote
Have more confidence in yourself
It amazes me how many talented and wonderful people never feel good enough, and remain beholden to gaslighters who smother their confidence, instead of backing themselves to do what they really want to do. a society focused on constantly improving productivity fosters this state; we are always being told what we could do better. Trust yourself (and those who love and support you) and have a crack!
Fill your own cup
We, particularly women, are taught to be givers; that joy is in the giving. Yes, this is true, but ONLY IF we have taken care of ourselves first. Like a car with no fuel, we can not give if we have not topped up our tank first. So, explore what tops up your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual tanks and make them a priority.
Honour your feelings
Toxic positivity is alive and well. We are taught that we can be all things to all people. Fake it until you make it. Believe it and it will manifest. I don’t agree. We all have our limits. We all have an amygdala that signals fight, flight, freeze or fawn under stress. Listen to it, check it out and honour it. If something doesn’t feel right for you right now, then it’s not, and that’s OK.
“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others”
~ Brené Brown
As an aside Kelly, you won’t know any of this at 25, so just keep doing your best and trust that everything will unfold as it should.
Lastly, what might I say to my future self?
Take care of your body
Kelly, stretching and strengthening your body is as important as stretching and strengthening your mind and heart, and you CAN enjoy vegetables if you get a bit creative. And hey, perhaps if you stay on top of your garden, it won’t feel like such a chore.
Be open to anything
You don’t know what you don’t know. Life is an adventure. Isn’t it exciting that things are happening now that you never could have imagined. You have people and events in your life that weren’t here last year, and there may be people and events in your life now that will be gone next year. Live each day and enjoy it.
“The only true wisdom is in knowing that you know nothing”
~ Socrates
Tenderness and liberation
And lastly, I must attribute this phrase to Heather Plett, author of the Art of Holding Space. Heather is on a Tenderness and Liberation journey. I love those words, so I’m saying, “Me too!” For me 2023 is about tenderly setting myself free. I wonder what that will look like.
Happy New Year!
