I have a deep longing to have a man’s arms around me right now. To know that someone has my back, as I experience the ongoing loss of my father.

Dad has been on the Alzheimer’s path for nearly seven years now. When our level four lockdown began on March 25th, at age 86 he was able to do a 25-30 minute walk around the neighbourhood by himself, make a cup of tea, have a shower, and shave, and engage in a lucid, albeit slightly muddled conversation. He still knew people. He enjoyed his twice weekly days out to Alz House where he could socialise and connect, and occasionally he would have a week in a local rest home so my stepmother could have a break.

As much as he loves his home, garden, security and routine, and he loves his wife of 40 years very much, the lockdown was a stressful time for both of them. He lost his freedom as he couldn’t remember the social distancing rules, so had to be accompanied on his walks. He lost his social outlet. And there wasn’t much to do in his autumn garden. He finally lost his purpose. He started having mini-strokes and four weeks into lockdown he had lost the use of his right side and could no longer talk, walk or take care of himself. Being determined, he still aspired to his old ways and the likelihood of a fall was high, so he needed the support of two people.  We were also in the dark about his medical condition.

We decided on a rest home/hospital option. He had to have a Covid test and spend two weeks in isolation. The thought of him going through that was definitely my low point. However, fortunately in some ways, he ended up in hospital where he has now been for nearly two weeks, while he is stabilised and assessed. He tries very hard to communicate but the main words are “home” and “why” and he gets very emotional when we talk about children. And he isn’t eating, which is a concern. However, next week he will move into a local rest home and the next stage will begin. I think only Dad will decide what that next stage will bring.

Even though I am accepting of this… Dad’s father and two of his father’s siblings also had Alzheimer’s… it is so sad to see our lovely husband and father, who has always been my rock and one of my favourite people, who has been strong and fit and purposeful with a clever mind, travelling this path. It is a cruel disease. One positive is that he is not in physical pain. I also know that Dad is at peace with how he’s lived his life, and with his God. And as a lifelong gardener, I know that he understands the cycle of life and how nature works.

So this is a shout out to good fathers and good men. We women might be able to do everything these days, and I can’t speak more highly of my wonderful friends who are always there for me. But the world needs the arms of good men, and I am no exception.