Last week I conducted the funeral of a friend’s 95-year old mother, a special lady who led a good life. A humble life, a simple life, with family and community at its core. The love for, and from her family and friends was palpable in the room.

I don’t usually watch the photo reflections, as it can make me teary, but this time I went to the back and watched on the Funeral Director’s screen. One of the songs was “If I Could Change my Life” by Howie Morrison Jnr, “a deeply personal reflection on living in the shadow of his famous father, the legendary Sir Howard Morrison, asserting his own identity and journey now that his father is gone, and focusing on his own life, family, and legacy.”

It starts in English and then switches to Reo/Māori. At that point, as the family pictures appeared on screen, I experienced a huge wave of emotion, grief and sadness. If I was alone, I would have sobbed out loud. I listened to it again the following day and did just that. 

It’s not the first time I have had this reaction. His father’s version of Whakaaria Mai (How Great Thou Art), a song about faith, hope and love, has the same impact.

Although brought up in a predominantly European culture, I was also hugely influenced by the legacy of my Ngāpuhi (Ngātirangi) great-grandmother; a gentle, good and humble woman, like my friend’s mother. A woman who lost her husband when she was pregnant with her 14th child, acted as an interpreter for the Māori land courts, cooked for Zane Grey and took in washing to make ends meet. She urged her children to speak English, and I know my grand-mother never really owned her Māori heritage. I have always been called to Ngāwhā, to St Michael’s church, a place of reconciliation where my Māori and European ancestors are buried… together.

So what was this reaction about? Maybe its because I look around and I see…

• Judgement of others based on generalisations, labels and history
• Angry people using violence to supposedly “fight for” peace
• The use of stories and fear to influence group think without any commitment to provide balanced information for people to make their own decisions
• Self-righteousness abounding; accusing others and then demonstrating the same behaviour
• The perpetuation of victimhood with very few strategies to empower
• Incessant negativity. We have a lot to celebrate but our media seems intent on a 10:1 ratio of negative to positive. How do we lift ourselves up with that in our faces?

And then I think of my friend’s mother and my great-grandmother. Did they see the world like this? Or did they just see it as a community to love, support and enjoy life with? 

What I felt when hearing those songs was an overwhelming feeling that my heart was breaking, fractured… and it occurred to me… What if I was experiencing the same thing as the singer… a deeply personal reflection on living in the shadow of some kind of legacy, personal, familial or cultural? And if that was true, how can I or we assert our own identity and legacy now that those times are in our past?

We are at a crossroads and we have a choice.

Mahatma Gandhi said “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

So, I am calling on myself and others to do just that in 2026. To see others in their uniqueness, to understand their stories, to put aside judgement, to take a good look at our reactions to events and channel them in a positive way, to look forward as humans from a place of faith, hope and love… and let that be our legacy. 

“Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery”
~ J. K. Rowling

Picture is my great-grandmother, Minnie (nee Edmonds)

If I Could Change My Life link

How Great Thou Art /Whakaaria Mai link